טַעַם עַל שְׁבִירַת כְּלִי חֶרֶס בִּשְׁעַת הַשִּׁדּוּךְ
Why We Break a Plate at the Shidduch
Breaking an earthenware vessel at the shidduch carries two hints. The Potsherd Gate of Jerusalem, where broken shards were thrown, faced the entrance of Gehinnom. So the broken plate tells the groom: if his wife proves difficult, he must not betray her but accept it with love, for one who does is spared the sight of Gehinnom; and if she is good, he should remember that Gehinnom exists, not be led by desire, and sanctify himself as is fitting.
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הַמָּקוֹר · Original text
טַעַם עַל שְׁבִירַת כְּלִי חֶרֶס בִּשְׁעַת הַשִּׁדּוּךְ הוּא בִּשְׁנֵי עִנְיָנִים.
כִּי בֶּאֱמֶת צְרִיכִין לִזָּהֵר מְאֹד מְאֹד שֶׁלֹּא לְגָרֵשׁ אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ, כִּי אָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (עירובין מא:): שְׁלֹשָׁה אֵינָם רוֹאִים פְּנֵי גֵּיהִנֹּם וְכוּ', וּמִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ אִשָּׁה רָעָה. לְמַאי נַפְקָא מִנָּהּ לִקְבּוּלֵי בְּאַהֲבָה. וּפֵרְשׁוּ הַמְפָרְשִׁים, שֶׁמִפְּנֵי זֶה לֹא אָמַר כָּאן הַנַּפְקָא מִנָּהּ דִּלְעֵיל, כִּי קֹדֶם לָזֶה אִיתָא שָׁם: שְׁלֹשָׁה דְּבָרִים מַעֲבִירִין אֶת הָאָדָם עַל דַּעְתּוֹ וְעַל דַּעַת קוֹנוֹ. לְמַאי נַפְקָא מִנָּהּ לְמִבָּעֵי רַחֲמֵי. וְכָאן לֹא אָמַר נַפְקָא מִנָּהּ זוֹ. כִּי בְּאֵלּוּ הַשְּׁלֹשָׁה צְרִיכִין לְקַבֵּל בְּאַהֲבָה דַּוְקָא, מֵאַחַר שֶׁעַל־יָדָם אֵינוֹ רוֹאֶה פְּנֵי גֵּיהִנֹּם.
וְזֶהוּ בְּחִינַת שְׁבִירַת כְּלִי חֶרֶס בִּשְׁעַת הַשִּׁדּוּךְ, כִּי שַׁעַר הַחַרְסִית הָיָה בִּירוּשָׁלַיִם (שֶׁהָיוּ מַשְׁלִיכִין שָׁם שִׁבְרֵי חֲרָסִים, כְּמוֹ שֶׁפֵּרֵשׁ רַשִׁ"י שָׁם), וְזֶה הַשַּׁעַר הוּא כְּנֶגֶד פִּתְחָהּ שֶׁל גֵּיהִנֹּם, כְּמוֹ שֶׁכָּתוּב (ירמיהו י״ט:ב׳): וְיָצָאתָ אֶל גֵּי בֶן הִנֹּם אֲשֶׁר פֶּתַח שַׁעַר הַחַרְסִית. וְגֵי בֶן הִנֹּם זֶהוּ בְּחִינַת הַגֵּיהִנֹּם, כְּמוֹ שֶׁאָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (סוכה לב: ועירובין יט): שְׁתֵּי תְּמָרוֹת יֵשׁ בְּגֵי בֶן הִנֹּם, וְעוֹלֶה עָשָׁן מִבֵּינֵיהֶן, וְזֶהוּ פִּתְחָהּ שֶׁל גֵּיהִנֹּם.
וְזֶהוּ שֶׁשּׁוֹבְרִין כְּלִי חֶרֶס בִּשְׁעַת הַשִּׁדּוּךְ, כִּי מְרַמְּזִים לוֹ בָּזֶה שְׁנֵי עִנְיָנִים. הַיְנוּ שֶׁמְּרַמְּזִין לוֹ: אִם הִיא אִשָּׁה רָעָה, תִּזָּהֵר לְבַל תִּבְגֹּד בָּהּ, רַק תְּקַבֵּל בְּאַהֲבָה, כִּי עַל־יְדֵי־זֶה אֵינְךָ רוֹאֶה פְּנֵי גֵיהִנֹּם כַּנַּ"ל. וְאִם הִיא אִשָּׁה טוֹבָה, דַּע וּזְכֹר כִּי יֵשׁ גֵּיהִנֹּם, וְלֹא תִּהְיֶה נִמְשָׁךְ אַחַר תַּאֲוָתְךָ, וּתְקַדֵּשׁ עַצְמְךָ כָּרָאוּי, כִּי זָכוֹר תִּזְכֹּר שֶׁיֵּשׁ גֵיהִנֹּם.
וְכָל זֶה מְרַמְּזִין לֹוֹ עַל־יְדֵי שְׁבִירַת כְּלִי חֶרֶס, שֶׁהוּא בְּחִינַת שַׁעַר הַחַרְסִית, שֶׁהוּא בְּחִינַת פִּתְחָהּ שֶׁל גֵּיהִנֹּם כַּנַּ"ל, וְעַל־כֵּן עַל־יְדֵי שְׁבִירַת כְּלִי חֶרֶס מְרַמְּזִין לוֹ שְׁנֵי עִנְיָנִים הַנַּ"ל:
Hebrew text: Likutei Moharan Tinyana - rabenubook.com via Sefaria (Public Domain) · Sefaria. Names of Hashem are written in the customary form.
Transcripts
1-minute recap
Likutey Moharan Tinyana, Torah ninety.
Why break an earthenware plate at the shidduch? In Jerusalem, the Potsherd Gate, where shards were thrown, faced the entrance of Gehinnom.
So the broken plate gives the groom two hints. If she proves difficult, do not betray her; accept it with love, and you will not see the face of Gehinnom.
And if she is good, remember that Gehinnom exists. Don't be led by desire; sanctify yourself as is fitting.
Our own reflection: one small broken plate holds a whole lesson for the home: patience and love, and holiness in the good times too.
Explainer
Likutey Moharan Tinyana, Torah ninety: why an earthenware plate is broken at the shidduch. A short Torah with two hints for a new home.
At a shidduch, the families break an earthenware plate. Rebbe Nachman says there are two reasons for it.
First, one must be very, very careful not to send away one's wife. The Sages teach that three kinds of people do not see the face of Gehinnom, and one of them is a man with a difficult wife, in their words, a bad wife. What is the point of knowing this? So that he will accept it with love.
The commentators notice something. Just before this, the Gemara lists three things that push a person against his own mind and his Maker's, and there the point is: to plead for mercy. Here it does not say that, because these three must be accepted with love, since through them one is spared Gehinnom.
Now the plate. In Jerusalem there was the Potsherd Gate, where broken earthenware was thrown, as Rashi explains. And that gate stood opposite the entrance of Gehinnom, as the verse says: go out to the valley of Ben Hinnom, at the entrance of the Potsherd Gate.
And the Sages teach that in the valley of Ben Hinnom there are two palm trees, with smoke rising between them, and that is the entrance of Gehinnom.
So the broken plate hints two things to the groom. If she proves to be a difficult wife, be careful not to betray her; just accept it with love, and you will not see the face of Gehinnom.
And if she is a good wife, know and remember that there is a Gehinnom. Do not be drawn after your desires, and sanctify yourself as is fitting.
Some reflections of our own, not a quotation. The broken plate is a reminder for the whole marriage: in hard times, patience and love; in good times, holiness. And for real difficulties at home, speak to a Rav.
Full shiur
— Part 1: Two Hints in a Broken Plate —
Likutey Moharan Tinyana, Torah ninety. A shiur in one part: why an earthenware plate is broken at the shidduch, and the two hints it carries.
Gold is Rebbe Nachman's own words, from Likutey Moharan Tinyana, Torah ninety. Grey is a verse or teaching he quotes. Green is our own explanation. The Hebrew is the public-domain text from Sefaria; the English is our own paraphrase.
Rebbe Nachman opens with a familiar custom: The reason for breaking an earthenware vessel at the time of the shidduch is twofold.
Our explanation. At the tena'im, the engagement, it is the custom to break an earthenware plate. Many reasons are given. Here Rebbe Nachman gives his own: the broken plate carries two hints for the groom, one for hard times and one for good times.
First, a teaching of the Sages: For truly one must be very, very careful not to divorce one's wife. For our Sages said: three do not see the face of Gehinnom, and so on, and one who has a bad wife. What difference does it make? To accept it with love.
He adds what the commentators noticed: And the commentators explain that this is why it did not give here the difference mentioned earlier. For just before this it says: three things make a person go against his own mind and the mind of his Maker; what difference does it make? To plead for mercy. But here it does not give that difference. For these three must be accepted specifically with love, since through them he does not see the face of Gehinnom.
Our explanation. The Gemara draws a difference. For some troubles, the lesson is to plead for mercy. But for these three, the lesson is to accept them with love, because they themselves cleanse a person, and he is spared from seeing Gehinnom. A difficult marriage is on that list, and so the first hint is patience, not leaving.
Now he connects it to the plate: And this is the meaning of breaking an earthenware vessel at the time of the shidduch. For the Potsherd Gate was in Jerusalem, where they would throw broken pieces of earthenware, as Rashi explains there. And this gate stands opposite the entrance of Gehinnom, as it is written: go out to the valley of Ben Hinnom, which is at the entrance of the Potsherd Gate.
He continues: And the valley of Ben Hinnom is Gehinnom, as our Sages said: there are two palm trees in the valley of Ben Hinnom, and smoke rises from between them, and this is the entrance of Gehinnom.
Our explanation, step by step. An earthenware plate is broken. Broken earthenware recalls the Potsherd Gate of Jerusalem, where shards were thrown. That gate faced the valley of Ben Hinnom. And that valley is the entrance of Gehinnom. So the sound of the breaking plate says: remember.
And here are the two hints: And this is why an earthenware vessel is broken at the time of the shidduch: through it we hint two things to him. That is, we hint to him: if she is a bad wife, be careful not to betray her; only accept it with love, for through this you will not see the face of Gehinnom, as said above.
And the second: And if she is a good wife, know and remember that there is a Gehinnom; do not be drawn after your desire, and sanctify yourself as is fitting, for remember well that there is a Gehinnom.
He sums it up: All this is hinted to him through breaking an earthenware vessel, which is the Potsherd Gate, which is the entrance of Gehinnom, as said above. And so, through breaking an earthenware vessel, the two things above are hinted to him.
Some reflections of our own, not a quotation. In hard times at home, the first hint is patience and love, not walking away. In good times, the second hint is holiness, not only pleasure. And for real difficulties in a marriage, speak to a Rav.
This has been Likutey Moharan Tinyana, Torah ninety.
Sources for this Torah
Texts used
Hebrew: Likutei Moharan Tinyana (Part II), Torah 90, edition 'Likutei Moharan Tinyana – rabenubook.com', public domain, via Sefaria — https://www.sefaria.org/Likutei_Moharan%2C_Part_II.90
English: our own paraphrase of the Hebrew, written for these videos. It is not copied from any published translation.
Verses and teachings of the Sages appear only as Rebbe Nachman quotes them inside this Torah.
How the text is shown
The Divine Name is shown as ה' and voiced as Hashem. Other Names are written in the customary form (אֱלֹקִים, קֵ-ל, קָהּ, שַׁ-דַּ-י, אֲדֹ-נָ-י, אֶקְיֶ-ה, צְבָקוֹת). No full Name is written or voiced.
Parenthetical source references inside the printed Hebrew are left off the screen to save space; the citation line names the source instead.
Long paragraphs are shown in consecutive pieces. Every Hebrew word on screen is from the edition above; nothing is reworded.
Cards labelled EXPLANATION (green), and every line marked 'our own reflection — not a quote', are our own words, not quotations.
Every on-screen quotation in the full shiur, by part
Part 1 — Two Hints in a Broken Plate
Scene 3 · LM II:90 §1 · paragraph §1.1
טַעַם עַל שְׁבִירַת כְּלִי חֶרֶס בִּשְׁעַת הַשִּׁדּוּךְ הוּא בִּשְׁנֵי עִנְיָנִים.
EN (our paraphrase): The reason for breaking an earthenware vessel at the time of the shidduch is twofold.
Scene 5 · LM II:90 §1, on Eruvin 41b · paragraph §1.2
כִּי בֶּאֱמֶת צְרִיכִין לִזָּהֵר מְאֹד מְאֹד שֶׁלֹּא לְגָרֵשׁ אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ, כִּי אָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה: שְׁלֹשָׁה אֵינָם רוֹאִים פְּנֵי גֵּיהִנֹּם וְכוּ', וּמִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ אִשָּׁה רָעָה. לְמַאי נַפְקָא מִנָּהּ לִקְבּוּלֵי בְּאַהֲבָה.
EN (our paraphrase): For truly one must be very, very careful not to divorce one's wife. For our Sages said: three do not see the face of Gehinnom, and so on, and one who has a bad wife. What difference does it make? To accept it with love.
Scene 6 · LM II:90 §1 · paragraph §1.2
וּפֵרְשׁוּ הַמְפָרְשִׁים, שֶׁמִפְּנֵי זֶה לֹא אָמַר כָּאן הַנַּפְקָא מִנָּהּ דִּלְעֵיל, כִּי קֹדֶם לָזֶה אִיתָא שָׁם: שְׁלֹשָׁה דְּבָרִים מַעֲבִירִין אֶת הָאָדָם עַל דַּעְתּוֹ וְעַל דַּעַת קוֹנוֹ. לְמַאי נַפְקָא מִנָּהּ לְמִבָּעֵי רַחֲמֵי. וְכָאן לֹא אָמַר נַפְקָא מִנָּהּ זוֹ. כִּי בְּאֵלּוּ הַשְּׁלֹשָׁה צְרִיכִין לְקַבֵּל בְּאַהֲבָה דַּוְקָא, מֵאַחַר שֶׁעַל־יָדָם אֵינוֹ רוֹאֶה פְּנֵי גֵּיהִנֹּם.
EN (our paraphrase): And the commentators explain that this is why it did not give here the difference mentioned earlier. For just before this it says: three things make a person go against his own mind and the mind of his Maker; what difference does it make? To plead for mercy. But here it does not give that difference. For these three must be accepted specifically with love, since through them he does not see the face of Gehinnom.
Scene 8 · LM II:90 §1, on Yirmiyahu 19:2 · paragraph §1.3
וְזֶהוּ בְּחִינַת שְׁבִירַת כְּלִי חֶרֶס בִּשְׁעַת הַשִּׁדּוּךְ, כִּי שַׁעַר הַחַרְסִית הָיָה בִּירוּשָׁלַיִם, וְזֶה הַשַּׁעַר הוּא כְּנֶגֶד פִּתְחָהּ שֶׁל גֵּיהִנֹּם, כְּמוֹ שֶׁכָּתוּב: וְיָצָאתָ אֶל גֵּי בֶן הִנֹּם אֲשֶׁר פֶּתַח שַׁעַר הַחַרְסִית.
EN (our paraphrase): And this is the meaning of breaking an earthenware vessel at the time of the shidduch. For the Potsherd Gate was in Jerusalem, where they would throw broken pieces of earthenware, as Rashi explains there. And this gate stands opposite the entrance of Gehinnom, as it is written: go out to the valley of Ben Hinnom, which is at the entrance of the Potsherd Gate.
Scene 9 · LM II:90 §1, on Sukkah 32b and Eruvin 19a · paragraph §1.3
וְגֵי בֶן הִנֹּם זֶהוּ בְּחִינַת הַגֵּיהִנֹּם, כְּמוֹ שֶׁאָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה: שְׁתֵּי תְּמָרוֹת יֵשׁ בְּגֵי בֶן הִנֹּם, וְעוֹלֶה עָשָׁן מִבֵּינֵיהֶן, וְזֶהוּ פִּתְחָהּ שֶׁל גֵּיהִנֹּם.
EN (our paraphrase): And the valley of Ben Hinnom is Gehinnom, as our Sages said: there are two palm trees in the valley of Ben Hinnom, and smoke rises from between them, and this is the entrance of Gehinnom.
Scene 11 · LM II:90 §1 · paragraph §1.4
וְזֶהוּ שֶׁשּׁוֹבְרִין כְּלִי חֶרֶס בִּשְׁעַת הַשִּׁדּוּךְ, כִּי מְרַמְּזִים לוֹ בָּזֶה שְׁנֵי עִנְיָנִים. הַיְנוּ שֶׁמְּרַמְּזִין לוֹ: אִם הִיא אִשָּׁה רָעָה, תִּזָּהֵר לְבַל תִּבְגֹּד בָּהּ, רַק תְּקַבֵּל בְּאַהֲבָה, כִּי עַל־יְדֵי־זֶה אֵינְךָ רוֹאֶה פְּנֵי גֵיהִנֹּם כַּנַּ"ל.
EN (our paraphrase): And this is why an earthenware vessel is broken at the time of the shidduch: through it we hint two things to him. That is, we hint to him: if she is a bad wife, be careful not to betray her; only accept it with love, for through this you will not see the face of Gehinnom, as said above.
Scene 12 · LM II:90 §1 · paragraph §1.4
וְאִם הִיא אִשָּׁה טוֹבָה, דַּע וּזְכֹר כִּי יֵשׁ גֵּיהִנֹּם, וְלֹא תִּהְיֶה נִמְשָׁךְ אַחַר תַּאֲוָתְךָ, וּתְקַדֵּשׁ עַצְמְךָ כָּרָאוּי, כִּי זָכוֹר תִּזְכֹּר שֶׁיֵּשׁ גֵיהִנֹּם.
EN (our paraphrase): And if she is a good wife, know and remember that there is a Gehinnom; do not be drawn after your desire, and sanctify yourself as is fitting, for remember well that there is a Gehinnom.
Scene 13 · LM II:90 §1 · paragraph §1.5
וְכָל זֶה מְרַמְּזִין לֹוֹ עַל־יְדֵי שְׁבִירַת כְּלִי חֶרֶס, שֶׁהוּא בְּחִינַת שַׁעַר הַחַרְסִית, שֶׁהוּא בְּחִינַת פִּתְחָהּ שֶׁל גֵּיהִנֹּם כַּנַּ"ל, וְעַל־כֵּן עַל־יְדֵי שְׁבִירַת כְּלִי חֶרֶס מְרַמְּזִין לוֹ שְׁנֵי עִנְיָנִים הַנַּ"ל:
EN (our paraphrase): All this is hinted to him through breaking an earthenware vessel, which is the Potsherd Gate, which is the entrance of Gehinnom, as said above. And so, through breaking an earthenware vessel, the two things above are hinted to him.
Hebrew phrases in the Explainer
Scene 2 · §1.1: טַעַם עַל שְׁבִירַת כְּלִי חֶרֶס בִּשְׁעַת הַשִּׁדּוּךְ הוּא בִּשְׁנֵי עִנְיָנִים.
Scene 3 · §1.2: שְׁלֹשָׁה אֵינָם רוֹאִים פְּנֵי גֵּיהִנֹּם
Scene 4 · §1.2: בְּאֵלּוּ הַשְּׁלֹשָׁה צְרִיכִין לְקַבֵּל בְּאַהֲבָה דַּוְקָא,
Scene 5 · §1.3: שַׁעַר הַחַרְסִית הָיָה בִּירוּשָׁלַיִם,
Scene 6 · §1.3: שְׁתֵּי תְּמָרוֹת יֵשׁ בְּגֵי בֶן הִנֹּם,
Scene 7 · §1.4: תִּזָּהֵר לְבַל תִּבְגֹּד בָּהּ, רַק תְּקַבֵּל בְּאַהֲבָה,
Scene 8 · §1.4: וּתְקַדֵּשׁ עַצְמְךָ כָּרָאוּי,
Hebrew phrases in the 1-minute recap
Scene 2 · §1.3: כִּי שַׁעַר הַחַרְסִית הָיָה בִּירוּשָׁלַיִם, וְזֶה הַשַּׁעַר הוּא כְּנֶגֶד פִּתְחָהּ שֶׁל גֵּיהִנֹּם,
Scene 3 · §1.4: תִּזָּהֵר לְבַל תִּבְגֹּד בָּהּ, רַק תְּקַבֵּל בְּאַהֲבָה,
Scene 4 · §1.4: דַּע וּזְכֹר כִּי יֵשׁ גֵּיהִנֹּם,